Written 11 days ago

Things in my vagina these days:

-My gynecologist
-Physical therapist
-Possibly my new myofascial release therapist, who can also do intravaginal release
-Valium (no shit, I have vaginal Valium that gets inserted to help my too-tight pelvic floor muscles chill the fuck OUT already. Yes, I immediately texted several friends as soon as my specialist prescribed it with, “You’ll never guess what I got just prescribed!” texts.)
-Dilators (I have two, primarily use the larger one, and will likely be moving up to the extra large on my next PT visit)
-Therawand
-My partners (my favorite things to have in my vagina!)

It’s kind of amazing what a happening place my vagina is right now, and how much I’m paying for it. Isn’t that supposed to work the other way around?

In other news, I am considering starting a blog about my pelvic floor dysfunction and the process around healing that. I need space to talk about it (and am lucky to have partners and friends who listen patiently to my vaginal healing exploits), and I suspect it might help others to see what that process can look like.

And on the plus side, I think I am thoroughly done with the shame around this. I know more people who have/had pelvic floor dysfunction than I’d realized, it has a lot to do with shit endemic to our culture, and it is never and never was any sort of personal failing. It’s an intense medical process I’m undergoing now to get it all healthy, and I think I finally exorcized what used to be a considerable amount of shame around all of this. So I’m good, and if you hear me mention this stuff in passing, and potentially in public, don’t be surprised or shocked. It’s where a huge portion of my time and energy and money are going these days, and it’s a big focus in my life. And what’s more important than getting myself healthy?

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