A sexual trauma

Four years ago:

We’d been in some sort of nebulous sexual relationship for a few months, with a prior six-week period before that. The sex was good; we had chemistry. He was not amazing at checking in or adjusting when I had muscular issues, and had always been a little pushy sexually.

I was at his place for the weekend. We were having sex; he was on top/behind me, I was on my belly. Things were going well until he was close to coming, at which point, he pushed in, all the way, hard. It HURT (and continued to do so for at least twenty minutes as my muscles seized up). I said, “Ow, ow, ow, please pull out now.” And he waited a minute before he did.

When he pulled out, I went fetal, withdrawn, and semi-catatonic, feeling very sad (I later learned this is a very typical trauma reaction). He was a bit concerned, and said, “Hey, I don’t like you like this.” He cuddled me, and once I came out of my withdrawn state enough to talk, after several minutes, I told him that I used to allow someone to fuck me a lot before I found my vulvodynia treatment and when it hurt every time; and that that wasn’t something I would allow, ever again. That when sex hurt and I said I needed him to pull out, he needed to pull out. He didn’t really respond to any of that, and I think I went out to the couch shortly after.

He never did apologize.

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