I’m less tight and painful this time than I have been last time, which was better than the time before. But still, it’s tighter than normal and placing myself on a chair often hurts. My right side of my pelvic floor twinges when I walked for the past couple mornings. I get mild spasms when I have to poop because it pulls on those muscles.
I know it’s way better, but it’s still so discouraging.
At PT last week, L worked primarily on my right side. She had her hands on a spot my hip, and then I started to get teary.
I was prepared to be emotional for several days after. I was slightly tender the next couple mornings. The first day after, I was rather raw that night, feeling like I wanted to cry but not getting there.
The second day after, I felt a bit unreal. I realized later that evening that I’d been very mildly dissociated all day.
I think I still am.
I feel a bit emotionally removed from everything, and a bit so from the people I love. I feel self-contained, presumably in a protective way. I’m irritable but otherwise not particularly emotional. I don’t like it. I don’t want to shield it all away, and I want to let go and release whatever started to come up.
I’m going to PT in another couple days. I hope this will jog it loose.
I ended up with some sort of infection. It’s been ages since I had one. I’ve been slacking like crazy on all the intra-vaginal homework I’m supposed to be doing, because nothing like itching, rawness, and weird discharge to make you want nothing inside your vagina.
It’s better now. I saw a doctor who recommended using RepHresh periodically since there’s all manner of things in my vagina these days. I’ve got some now and have discovered a somewhat more natural brand that isn’t full of parabens and quite so many chemicals that I’ll use periodically in the future. That plus plenty of probiotics should help keep my vagina happier in the future.
I am heading home from what was supposed to be a movie date with BF1 because my muscles are spasmy, tight, and painful. I hate it when they get like this, and I can feel the pain and tightness when I walk. The dilator didn’t glide right in this morning either.
We’re heading home where BF1 will cuddle me, we’ll watch a movie, and I’ll have some Scotch and use my myofascial ball. But damn.