I’m less tight and painful this time than I have been last time, which was better than the time before. But still, it’s tighter than normal and placing myself on a chair often hurts. My right side of my pelvic floor twinges when I walked for the past couple mornings. I get mild spasms when I have to poop because it pulls on those muscles.
I know it’s way better, but it’s still so discouraging.
I am heading home from what was supposed to be a movie date with BF1 because my muscles are spasmy, tight, and painful. I hate it when they get like this, and I can feel the pain and tightness when I walk. The dilator didn’t glide right in this morning either.
We’re heading home where BF1 will cuddle me, we’ll watch a movie, and I’ll have some Scotch and use my myofascial ball. But damn.
My belly has been hurry on and off for several days. Yesterday was bad, today is better. My solar plexus has been very sore, something I’ll ask L about when I see her later this week. Last night, I was spasmy just above my pubic bone, and BF1 thought he was seeing some spasm in my back muscles, too.
Today I am wearing my negative-heeled shoes, which may be helpful. I also automatically positioned myself well as I sat in the car, before I even thought about it. Victory!
Still slightly periody, so at least there’s a clear cause of the discomfort, and a very obvious correlation between a more reactive pelvic floor and the abdominal discomfort.
I got my period last night! This means two things:
1) That things feeling tighter isn’t a backslide, and there’s a reason and common denominator behind this (I got a period last time my pelvic floor got tighter and abdominal issues reared up, too).
2) That there really isn’t a backslide, because it’s been less tight and painful, with lesser abdominal issues than last time I had a period. So this is actually real progress.
My abdomen got super crampy in the car this morning. I adjusted my posture, and shortly thereafter, it got WAY better. Direct correlation? I’ve been watching it today, not tucking my tailbone, especially when I sit, and it hasn’t been bad.
I thought this morning of this bit I heard on the The Liberated Body podcast with Judith Hanson Lasater:
“When you stand with a normal lumbar curve, the viscera or organs. Jean Pierre Barral has a theory about a visceral column and spinal column and they support one another. When we tuck the tailbone the organs fall down onto the prostate, the bladder, and the uterus which I think contributes to prolapse for women, and I have a theory that it affects prostate issues as well.”
Is that part of the connection between my pelvic floor and abdomen, and why my abdomen gets upset when I have a period and am tucking my tailbone? I hadn’t thought of that before, but it definitely makes sense.
I awoke to abdominal discomfort in the night. I’m not sure what sparked this, since I haven’t had any bodywork since last week’s PT appointment. I’d run out of an herbal formula that may have been supporting me and didn’t know whether I still needed it, but that’s all I can think of. Perhaps I’m getting a period (I have a hormonal IUD, so I often go for many months at a stretch without a period at all, so I never know when they’re actually coming).
My belly feels full and uncomfortable and distended. This is one of my least favorite sensations.
I’m back on the herbs as of this morning, hopefully that will help.
I woke up at 3am with a lot of abdominal discomfort. This definitely seems to be a common post-myofascial experience for me.
Once I was awake enough to realize that maybe there was something I could do aside from lie in bed and hurt, I did some self massage, tried to release the thoracic inlet like my DO friend showed me some weeks ago when I was hurting (to help free up the lymphatic flow), and used my Therawand. I got myself more comfortable and eventually got back to at least dozing. I woke up again before my alarm and used the essential oil blend I’d made for this purpose, did some more self-massage, and hit my thoracic inlet again.
I’m way better today; a bit uncomfortable, but not super crampy feeling like I tend to be when that happens. I think I’ve found a good way to deal with it, which makes me happy.
I do wonder whether lymphatic drainage might not be a good idea. I haven’t done it yet because I’m already draining my savings with the PT, and also because I’m assuming that the myofascial release work will also allow my lymph to flow more freely if the fascia is less restricted. L agreed with that assessment, and I seem to be handling it better on my own as well, so I think I’ll hold off on employing another expensive modality right now.
I’ve had some shitty past partners. Currently, I have two partners/boyfriends. Things that make my happy:
BF1 (the one I live with): Has told me in no uncertain terms that I am NEVER to apologize to him for needing to adjust during sex due to my muscular dysfunction. Told me the other day that sex is the last thing he was looking for with me (not that he doesn’t want or enjoy it, it’s just below all the other parts that are me), and that if I want to stop my capsaicin or am otherwise less sexually functional, he is fully supportive. Has held me while I cried from overwhelm. Paid for my first PT visit when I was worried about cost.
BF2: Came into my life not all that long before I began this journey. Works on releasing my muscles. Has been very clear, repeatedly, about his willingness to dial our sexual activity back to oral sex only if I need to generally, or on a particular night, or whatever, or no sexual activity at all at whatever point I need that. Is clear about his emotional availability when I need his support. Makes requested adjustments happily (I’ve learned from BF1 and haven’t ever tried to apologize to him for needing those adjustments).
They’re both clear in their desire for me. I don’t feel like they feel my issues are something they need to tolerate; they want me, and they find me sexy, and I feel sexy with them, not like I’d be a great partner if only everything were healthy, not like the first new partner I had after my diagnosis who told me, “You’re too sexy to be broken.” They don’t think of me as broken. I’m their sexy girlfriend who’s working on a thing, and they are happy to help and support me in that where they can.
Between them and some super amazing and supportive friends, I feel lucky and loved. I am finally choosing the right partners and people for my life. Team Me is awesome and supportive, and while they can’t fix this and I have to do the work on my own, I’m not on my own while I do it.